Wedding Crashers

Women have this ridiculous trait that they can't be happy for another woman. I've seen it so many times and have been found guilty of it myself.

Marriage especially, is the deal breaker. When friends get married and you are sitting at a table by yourself drumming your fingers wondering when the wine will be served, this light flicks on in your head to loathe the happiest woman in the room.
If you've never experienced this, or anything near this then you haven't lived long enough to see your friends marry off.

Jealousy and envy are a woman's biggest enemy. Constantly judging ourselves and comparing to another woman. When the truth is that someone else if probably looking at you the same way your looking at her! An endless cycle of feeling not pretty enough, not successful enough and not marry-able enough.

A close friend of mine got married this weekend and I was all smiles and happy for them, the only time I felt the least bit of envy was that he had found someone to love and spend his life with and I was still single. But as all things pass so did the feeling, and the wine was a very easy replacer ;)
But some people were not so happy for him. Jealousy, anger and envy rose high in a conversation I was in talking about this wedding.
Some women just don't get it. They only see what they want, they fail to see what they have. The beautiful life they have, the loving boyfriend/girlfriend. A place to live and food to eat.

I guess sometime I think we lose sight of our own lives because we're so focused on others.
Just a thought of the day, and the realization that women are crazy. Pure crazy!

But it seems the best women and often made from crazy circumstances;)

Keep calm and stay crazy,
Xoxo
Sophie

Cyber Dating

Those days when you feel like life might just work out, that it might just throw you a bone. I really like those days,Yesterday was a day like that for me.

Excuse the absence of my blogging and upkeep of my website, Ive been sick for a while, and life kept getting in the way. But I am determined to keep it maintained and keep blogging, its the only thing that keeps me sane!

So Yesterday,
 I called out of work because Ive had headaches for about three weeks and needed to make sure i didnt have brain cancer or a tumor. It was just sinus headaches, and i got pain meds out of it. Woohoo! But as i was laying in my bed, Watching hours upon hours of Supernatural my Best friend sent me a wonderful text. You know those texts that just make your day, yeah it was on of those.
And the short version is, after applying for a house with another person, getting denied and still being out of a 100$, I may now have another place to live! And exciting.

Sometimes i feel that all we need in life is a reminder that things can work out. That they might not be what we expect or when we expect. But it happens, and that is good enough for me.

My life has seen alot of changes since the beginning of 2013! A whirlwind of life and emotions. But i think that after two hellish months its all turning around in my favor, and man am i happy!

Now onto a serious note.
Should you enter into a relationship with someone you met over the internet?
Now i know its the 21st century and thats just what people do, with programs like E-harmony and Match.com it isnt very hard for the socially akward and incredibly busy to find love
But do they really work? Are they actually worth all the incredible awkward tension and the scary thought that they may not be who they are online or via text.
If you'ver seen an episode of Catfish then you understand how crazy some people will be.
Now im not talking about online relationships, where your main source of communication is the computer or your phone, im talking about actually meeting up with these people you meet and getting to know them.

I have entered into one of these said relationships. EEk! You might think im crazy, but sometimes things just happen and you dont really know how it got there. Well we didnt meet on a website, more or less an App...for my iphone. Double EEk! Now we have face-timed and he does look like his picture and seems somewhat normal, if not a little geeky.  But thats my thing. So now we ask ourselves this question "Am i actually going to try and make this work?" Or "Is this just a friend thing?"
With me, it always seems that i end up with all of these men just being my friend, and this is my doing, now theirs. Im a bit of a maneater.
But i have plans to see him this weekend after attending a friends wedding. Now this might be a fluke, it might be awesome. I might totally bail, it just all depends honestly on my mood that day :)

But if i dont return in a week ive either been kidnapped or murdered.
Updates to come!


Keep Safe, and Stay Offline!
Xoxo
   Sophie

A flight of fear

It always seems that in the darkest of times, you re-discover yourself.

Well the attempt at moving out failed, and money just fell through my pockets.
But in these last few weeks I've discovered what true friends are, and what true friends want to be.
The ones who just save you for a backup plan, and the ones who have no one else except you. It's an extreme life lesson, and one that's hardest to learn when it deals with people you never thought you would have to even evaluate as your friends.
Also that loneliness is often confused with independence. And that freedom, true freedom is having nothing holding you down, and no-one keeping you around. That freedom isn't money, fame or success. It's an inner peace of knowing who you are, and knowing you need no-one and nothing to complete you.
I've figured out that this is the reason I'm mostly always single. I have yet to find a man who lets me be as free as I am alone. If you find someone like that, fight for them with every ounce of strength in you, and until then, don't give one single fuck.

The moment I find a man who allows me to feel unrestrained and is just as at peace with himself as I am with myself, I'll hold onto him. But for now, along with my selection of friends, I cannot let anyone hold me back from being who I am.


Both places of employment are terrible as in I'm overworked and underpaid, disregarded and overlooked.
I did not fight for 20 years to live up to these two bill paying jobs. And that be the end of it.

With nothing hold me back, I think I'm gunna take that leap I've been wanting too.
I may be broke, tired and homeless at the end. But I will be free.

Maybe L.A. , maybe London.
One or the other, I'm making a commitment to myself to go.

Stay free, and take risks,
Xoxo
Sophie

Home of the Free, Land of the Brave

It always sucks when reality pops up and bites you in the ass.

That has been my week. A week full of ass chomping, and it's only Monday. Well..Tuesday.

Declined for a house, out of 100 bucks, my car needs it's oil changed, my bank needs 300$ for my credit card and my taxes are apparently never getting returned to me.
I'm sure you've just had one of those days, or weeks or month. Where everything decides it doesn't want to cooperate, and reality just keeps smacking you in the ass reminding you that you can't live in fantasy land. That your an adult, and you've got to make big girl decisions. You've got bills to pay, and not enough hours at work to pay them.

I find that after a few good cries, and a incredibly hard workout session you feel better. Exhausted, but better. I decided to read a book,an entire book in 4 hours today, so my brain is fried.

I feel like when everything goes to shit, you see what is really important in life, and how much money you spend on just crap. I feel like we spend money of things we don't need, we slave at jobs we will never like and we push our dreams on the back shelf.

I have this obsession with freedom, with being free. Without limits, without rules. And I defined freedom as never having to feel bad for doing what makes you happy, what you think is right.

But recently I've discovered that freedom is nothing like that. True freedom for yourself is being the best you, that you can be. It's never feeling bad for who you are and what you believe, but it's also never deciding that someone else's beliefs and decisions are wrong. It's embracing people for who they are, with no preconceived ideas, no stereotypes. For never being afraid of life, and of Challenges and problems. Freedom for me, is realizing that you've got to give up every inch of yourself, to understand what it means to be free. To giving it up to your dreams, your friends, your family and your everyday life. To never letting people or social media define who you are.

It's never having to define anyone, or anything.
We put people in boxes, in stereotypes and labels, in which we limit them. We limit them in our minds to what they can do and what they an accomplish, therefore stealing the freedom of being who they are from them. And we constantly do to each other, so we are all just endlessly bound up in each others labels and lives, instead of just living our own.

My New Years resolution was basically to not give a shit about anything, and it's worked out quite well for me actually. But what comes with that, is accepting that you really can't give a shit about what other people do either.

So in bringing this back around, I just cannot give a shit about this week anymore. Neither should you, you should focus on being happy, healthy and free. Life tends to find a way to work itself out, so stop stressing. Stop bothering yourself with other people's lives and decisions. Live yours, and let life unfold for you.

Keep calm and don't give one shit,
Xoxo
Sophie

A dream is a Wish

Oh to be young, and without worries.

As I was walking into work today, A 15 year old girl was setting up for her birthday a few tables down. She had I about six girls surrounding her, and a box of cupcakes in the middle. I stood at the door and watched them for a few minutes. Before the cupcakes could be opened, they all stood up, put palms to palms, swayed back and forth and chanted some for of secret language. It was strange, but they didn't seem to care what anyone else thought.Because they are young, innocent, and wild.

I can remember being that young once, Im not too old now. But the feeling of being young, and not having so many worries and responsibilities on your shoulder. As i sit up and write this entry, i feel tired and worn out after a long weekend, and a long week awaiting me. I remember not going to sleep until the early hours of the morning, and being able to go and go all day the next day.

When did i become so old?

As i got older, my heels got higher, my shirts and shorts got lower, my hair got longer, and my makeup got heavier. My taste in men changed, and my view on innocence changed, as did my definition of wild.

But my heart hasnt seemed to age much. I still dream too big and get lost in my fantasies.
I feel like that is the only thing that keeps me young, that keeps anyone young. The innocent dreaming, and imagining that this world isnt as dark and dangerous as it really is, and that this society isnt as corrupt and selfish as we know it to be. I believe that the small pieces of innocent dreaming we have left in us is what keeps us dreaming, and what keeps us young. No matter how old we get.

The reality that my website and blog will ever truly become what i want it to be in my head, a beacon for women like me. A place that inspires others to follow their dreams, and that need to be recognized and noticed be fed into. The reality is that it wont ever be that, but the hope, the dream of it becoming more than that is what keeps me going. What keeps me writing, and what keeps me pouring my heart and soul into making my website all that I want.

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing your hardest. Never let defeat after a loss keep you from hoping for a win. Never let anyone tell you that your not good enough to play this game called life, that your not skilled enough to play in the position you want.

And most of all, dont let the reality of life, stop you from dreaming.

Keep sweet, and Keep Dreaming
XoXo
  Sophie

Hunting 101

House hunting is possibly the most frustrating thing in the world.
Either the house is too far, doesnt allow pets, the agent decides to take a vacation the day we all take off work. Or the rent is so high we would have to start black marketing our organs.

Trust me, if you can live at home. Do it. The world is so expensive, and only the rich and famous can survive.

But I have a list, a very important list that ive carried around mentally while we were looking for houses. Maybe this will help you if youve got a house hunting expedition in the near future.

1- If your moving in with roomates... Do you like them? Do you reallly like them? Because your stuck with them for a year. So you better like them.
2- If using an Agent, find a reliable one. If you find one and they constantly flake..find another if possible.
3- Once you find a house.. Dont let the house blind you from the price, or the price blind you from the house.
   - If the house is massive and wonderful, dont mentally push the price of the rent to the back of your mind just because you like it. You wont like it near as much when your picking up extra shifts to try and pay rent.
  - If the rent price is low, and the house is decent, dont just overlook things like rotting decks and decaying side paneling. If you can, pay more money for a structure safe house. It pays off in more ways in the end than you realize.
4- It takes more money to fix up an okay house, than it does to pay more for a great house.
5- Utilities are not included. Ever. Keep in mind you could be paying up to 200$ extra a month.
6- If you have pets, like me. Make sure your roomies are A-Ok with them, and dont even look at houses or apartments that dont accept pets. It set's up you and your roomies for a waste of time.
7- Can you afford it? Im guessing this should be my first point. But sometimes you have to see how much it costs before you can come up with a price range.

But for those who it may concern, these are my 7 top mental checklists. This economy is bombed, so trying to find a good place, with a reasonable price, and normal renters is probably the hardest thing ive had to do at the point.

Oh, and convince everyone in my life that i can, indeed handle it. And that my roommates are not plundering pirates here to take me life and my dignity.

In other news, snow has arrived to my wonderful town, and people are raiding the stores like its The Day After Tomorrow. Im actually glad i can go to work and avoid idiots today.



Be Kind, and Keep Hunting,
   xoxo Sophie

Mine!

Women are incredibly territorial and possessive.
You dump a guy for whatever reasons... Not being you type, not into him anymore, he is boring. You know, legitimate reasons for why you no longer want to see him. I've found that most of the time these types of relationships weren't long, and they normally ended with one person more attached than the other.
But we as women , who so the breaking up with are fine. Until the man shows interest in another woman. It's like we expect this man to want us forever or until we find a new man. And if he finds someone first, oh it's on.
You play with his emotions to get him back to being wrapped around your finger again and then when he gets too close you push him away, and the cycle repeats. Why? Because us women never know how to let go.
The truth is you don't even like the guy, you honest to God don't. It's nothing personal, you just couldn't find it within yourself to date him. But you end up missing him, talking about him excessively to your friends, dreaming about him. Constantly checking you emails, texts, facebooks and instagrams to see what this guy is up to and who he is doing it with. And you don't even like him!
Why do us women do this to ourselves? Why so we miss a man we didn't want? Do we miss the attention? The feelings of butterflies in he beginning? Or do we just miss being needed and being wanted.

All I know is its gotta stop! We have to stop terribly ruining these men! So what he stars dating a slut with fake hair! You didn't like him in the first place so it shouldn't Matter now!
Accept the fact that you weren't gunna work out, go out with girlfriend until you get your groove back and get back into the game and go break some more unsuspecting hearts!

Be kind, and stay away!
Xoxo
Sophie

Changing Trains

It seems that everything comes to an end, this time sooner than later. It was a short lived romance, a small jolt on the screen. But in the end it fell flat.
But as women we always tend to feel disappointed after a date gone bad or a relationship didn't work out the way we hoped. Because we set out in the beginning thinking that this man is the one! Maybe not the "one". But the one for right now at least. That he will magically make you past relationship seem like nothing because he will prove you completely wrong about men!
Reality check, most men are alike. It's the women that change so irrationally and without reason. So I decided the only person who can change my past relationship from a failure is me. I have to choose to forget about it, and keep lookin through the mass of men in this town. All who look younger than they are, and act even younger than they look. I guess now I understand the reasoning behind all those women in the 1800s dating men three times their age. They knew exactly how to treat a woman, whether she be 15 or 25. Tsk tsk. Men these days.
But another somewhat exciting chapter has closed, the boy with the blonde hair is no more. And I guess it's time to see if there is anyone in this town who actually knows what it means to be an adult. But for today ill type away on my computer at work, making copies and doing all the wonderfully office like things you can do.

Be kind and curious,
Xoxo
Sophie

The Clock is Ticking

Today has been an interesting day. To say the least.

Recovering from being sick and in between broke and tired. But the sound that filled my ears and sent a smile to my lips was the roaring of the motorcycle engine outside my apartment.

He is finally back home. Now as I type, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slumbers away beside me, I sit here and wonder how many days, hours and minutes we spend waiting. Waiting for work to end, for Friday to be here. For the next party, event or outing. We're always waiting for something. And you can't say your not, because right now your waiting to see what point I'm going to make out of this, your waiting to get tired, waiting to go to be so you can start Tuesday tomorrow. We are always, always waiting.
And I'm sorry I don't seem to have any type of revelation, other than why wait for one? I waited all day to hear that low rumble, to hear the clanging of keys on the chair by the door. To hear the mud stained boots clunk across the living room to my tiny kitchen. To catch his sent of dirt, smoke and Shampoo. I waited all day for it.

And now that's its come, I still feel like I'm waiting for the next thing to happen. Do we DTF? Define our relationship? Do we keep up this charade that we aren't together, even though we spend almost every night together.
So many questions that must wait for an answer.

Sometimes, I think we should forget about waiting, and just watch. Watch the present unfold like a magical story. And the next page will just have to wait to be turned. Because right now, as confusing as it is in my head, as uncertain as the future is. I want to live in this moment, where I can shut my computer, turn of the light and wrap my arms around a fleeting thought. That maybe, I won't have to wait for happiness. Maybe it's already here.

Keep kind and curious, xoxo
Sophie