A flight of fear

It always seems that in the darkest of times, you re-discover yourself.

Well the attempt at moving out failed, and money just fell through my pockets.
But in these last few weeks I've discovered what true friends are, and what true friends want to be.
The ones who just save you for a backup plan, and the ones who have no one else except you. It's an extreme life lesson, and one that's hardest to learn when it deals with people you never thought you would have to even evaluate as your friends.
Also that loneliness is often confused with independence. And that freedom, true freedom is having nothing holding you down, and no-one keeping you around. That freedom isn't money, fame or success. It's an inner peace of knowing who you are, and knowing you need no-one and nothing to complete you.
I've figured out that this is the reason I'm mostly always single. I have yet to find a man who lets me be as free as I am alone. If you find someone like that, fight for them with every ounce of strength in you, and until then, don't give one single fuck.

The moment I find a man who allows me to feel unrestrained and is just as at peace with himself as I am with myself, I'll hold onto him. But for now, along with my selection of friends, I cannot let anyone hold me back from being who I am.


Both places of employment are terrible as in I'm overworked and underpaid, disregarded and overlooked.
I did not fight for 20 years to live up to these two bill paying jobs. And that be the end of it.

With nothing hold me back, I think I'm gunna take that leap I've been wanting too.
I may be broke, tired and homeless at the end. But I will be free.

Maybe L.A. , maybe London.
One or the other, I'm making a commitment to myself to go.

Stay free, and take risks,
Xoxo
Sophie