Disclosure : This post is about Religion, my thoughts on it and on the things I've experienced. If you don't agree, that's totally okay with me, I'm always up for healthy discussion. But please, don't tell me I'm wrong. Everyone is entitled to opinions.
So in my years of growing up in the church, religiously attending every Sunday service, and living my life as close to what I heard every week as possible; you could say I know a few things about religion, well at Least mine.
I'm actually not going to state what I am, because this isn't about one groups of religious people to the other, it's about an experience. And you don't have to be in a certain denomination or culture to have one.
I've learned that people will expect you to believe and to act the same way your entire life. You are taught morals and values , and the acceptable ways to live. And you are rewarded with being in the inner circles of information and adoration if you live up to all these standards.
Basically high school, with a cross in the front.
I have lived on on both sides of the curtain.
I have been in the inner circle of the church, where you know Leaders and Pastors by name. Where your invited to social functions and dinners. People know your name, they give you privileges other are denied, they tell you information hat is kept for only the ears of the leaders of the flock. It's a wonderful feeling being needed, treasured and feeling loved no matter who you talk too.
That's how church is supposed to feel to me, an overwhelming sense of love, and safety. That no matter what is happening outside of the church doors, that when you step through them they become a Sanctuary, a safe haven.
I remember feeling that way, feeling completely at ease and at home in the church. Never did I feel judged or looked down upon.
But the thing about putting people on pedestals, is that it hurts both patties when they fall.
It reminds me of when lucifer fell from heaven. Did God cry for his fallen angel? Did Lucifer regret his choice as he fell?
I know what it feels like, being in the process of falling from grace, and the feeling of when you hit the ground, and people stretch out their arms to help you up, but give no real effort when you reach up for them.
I don't understand how a place, and the people became so foreign to me. You are I made a few choices they didn't agree with, developed a different lifestyle.
But the truth is that I had always been that way, I just hid it well. Maybe that was my first problem, keeping my mouth shut buy nonetheless, I did. And once i opened it, once I voiced who I have been my entire life, people didn't seem to like it.
All of the sudden I felt targeted, judged and condemned by my actions. When in reality there wasn't anything different about what I was doing, the people that had praised me so highly just realized it. And then decided it wasn't okay.
My entire life I've been searching for what freedom is, true freedom. And one of the pieces of the puzzle was that I forgot was freedom from religion.
Freedom from constraining ideals and beliefs.
I still believe in alot of things, and still and very grounded in alot of things that I leaned from the church. But you wouldn't know it by the way people talk about me behind closed doors and in conference meetings and prayer groups. You would think I had Joined the fallen Angels in hell.
But what I've learned from this, and what I hope to share. Is that it doesn't matter what religion or God you believe in, at least to me it doesn't. My life missions and goal isn't to convert you to my way of thinking, maybe that makes me a bad Christian. My mission is to love people as much as I can, with so much hate on this world, the last thing we need is to hate each other for believing in different things.
Yes I believe in the bible, and the things it says. What I don't believe is that people interpret it right, that people believe it without a doubt, without thinking that maybe it means something else, maybe they interpret it all wrong.
I believe in a lot of things, but hate and judgement is not among them.
That expecting people to believe in the exact things you do, and live the exact same way you do isn't right and isn't fair. We are individuals, let us remember that when were judging someone for their life. Maybe I've got it all wrong, I don't know.
But if I can't convey one point, it's that we should feel like we have to have it al right, that we have to be perfect and be a perfect person all the damn time.
I got tired of living my life to please others, and people who ended up judging me. I love my life for myself, and to try my best to bring what glory I can to the God I believe in.
I fail more times than most,but I've never seen him judge and condemn me for t.
Why do we do it to each other?
This is probably the only religion post I'll ever write, it's just Been bothering me lately, so I thought I would share it. And I haven't blogged in forever!
But I'm moving into my new house! I can finally pack boxes and know for a a fact I won't have to unpack them!
Keep calm, and stay sweet,
Xoxo
Sophie
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