Today has been an interesting day. To say the least.
Recovering
from being sick and in between broke and tired. But the sound that
filled my ears and sent a smile to my lips was the roaring of the
motorcycle engine outside my apartment.
He is finally back home.
Now as I type, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he
slumbers away beside me, I sit here and wonder how many days, hours and
minutes we spend waiting. Waiting for work to end, for Friday to be
here. For the next party, event or outing. We're always waiting for
something. And you can't say your not, because right now your waiting to
see what point I'm going to make out of this, your waiting to get
tired, waiting to go to be so you can start Tuesday tomorrow. We are
always, always waiting.
And I'm sorry I don't seem to have any type
of revelation, other than why wait for one? I waited all day to hear
that low rumble, to hear the clanging of keys on the chair by the door.
To hear the mud stained boots clunk across the living room to my tiny
kitchen. To catch his sent of dirt, smoke and Shampoo. I waited all day
for it.
And now that's its come, I still feel like I'm waiting
for the next thing to happen. Do we DTF? Define our relationship? Do we
keep up this charade that we aren't together, even though we spend
almost every night together.
So many questions that must wait for an answer.
Sometimes,
I think we should forget about waiting, and just watch. Watch the
present unfold like a magical story. And the next page will just have to
wait to be turned. Because right now, as confusing as it is in my head,
as uncertain as the future is. I want to live in this moment, where I
can shut my computer, turn of the light and wrap my arms around a
fleeting thought. That maybe, I won't have to wait for happiness. Maybe
it's already here.
Keep kind and curious, xoxo
Sophie
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